I want to walk on stilts...naked
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize