So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize