By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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