I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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