I want to stick my p in your. b.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
