White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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