My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As shirtless as possible
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize