I'm lost and stupid without you.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
