And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
