I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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