i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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