Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
