i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
