You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
