I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize