oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
