I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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