Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize