He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
