just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
