dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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