Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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