The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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