you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
