Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
