evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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