I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
