One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
