maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
porn star boner night. come get it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
