Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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