Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
