Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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