I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize