I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
