I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
