he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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