I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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