I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
