Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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