btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize