I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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