totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You can't just leave with hair like that
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
