What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I look better un-naked...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
