God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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