Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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