oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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