I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
