Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
