I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
