Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
