So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
