Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
