Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
