I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
