i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
