How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
