I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
