I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
