I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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