I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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