i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
