we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
