it wasn't lemon gatorade
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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