I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
