Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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