Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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