shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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