so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
