His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
soo... how was my night?
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