you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
