i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
