I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize