nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
