no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The Olympian is in my bed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
