I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
