"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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