who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
