omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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