It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
