just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
