Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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