I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
