are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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