Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He shit in the fireplace
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
