It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
