I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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