Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
