I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
God, I missed his penis.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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