brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
