I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize