i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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