I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
