He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
