She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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