I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
