Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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